Ten Truths about a Marketing Offsite.

1st fact
“The out of office reads like this ,” Sorry, I am not available as we have a marketing offsite. So, will be delayed in my response.” 

Truth – ” The best time of my life has started. So, don’t bloody dare to think of bothering me. Even if you do, you will just get an empty stare.”

2nd fact

“We are going to learn some insights about our domains. Get some outside perspective and refresh our creative thinking.”

Truth – Sack the knowledge. Sack the truth. I am turning into a sack whether in session or in my room. I will turn into a zombie.

3rd fact

“We are going to bond. To collaborate and create ever lasting working relationships.”

Truth – Don’t care who you are, where you from. Are you carrying the good times ?

4th fact

” Wow, what speakers and their insights. It seems like I have really come up the curve in these two days. My eyes have opened and all blocks are clear.”

Truth – It is easy to say all this when you get fat dough. Just finish the talk and move on. I just want to see the lunch spread.

5th fact

“Awesome music, great dancing. It has never been so magical.”

Truth – Damn it, now I have to dance. Let me find my dark spot. If only, they could serve me in the room. Why do I need to pay in the form of dancing.

6th fact

“What a beautiful resort? So many facilities, let me try to experience it fully.”

Truth – All sessions were okay. One was exceptional. It was where we had to fill feedback. Also, do you know where my room is ?

7th fact

“Team building activities bring out the best in all. Help us sail through the year with elan.”

Truth –  None of us can tolerate each other beyond a project. It was great to have a timed interaction, limited. Many ended up doing an activity without overshooting.

8th fact

“Q&A sessions motivate people to ask the extraordinary or the not so obvious. They help foster confidence.”

Truth – Planting would be less disastrous. Speakers should have asked questions and maybe we could have answered like which category you look after ..blah blah blah

9th fact

“I love my job. I love my company.”

Truth – I haven’t found another company and job , as of yet.

10th fact

“It is one of the best offsites we ever had. I think, we had lots of fun.”

Truth – Such an expensive comp off. I suggest we either have more of these or all together dump it for 2 hrs in the dormitory every day!

#timeoff #offsite #marketingoffsite #lovemyjob #insights #session #outofoffice#teambuilding #outsideperspective

#unValue

Today, something occurred. A chain of thoughts that wouldn’t #unflow. A surge of emotions that wouldn’t #unebb. And a barrage of questions that wouldn’t #unrise. 
Today , I am rethinking my values. The basic ones – Respect for others, honesty, being compassionate, helping others, being fair ,being just, responsible, have faith, love whole heartedly and that self respect is one’s greatest virtue.

Systematically, these last few months, all are in dire need of a renewal program. Frankly, they have matured. And I just pause and think, am I putting my child at great risk by telling her these exist any more. She will follow them whole heartedly, all the values I mentioned above and she will get hurt over and over again for being a stickler. 

What if I told her the reverse?

#unFaith 

Don’t have faith in everyone or everything you meet. Nobody can be trusted. You cannot and shall not depend on someone’s kind words. They may be messing with you and you will end up hurting yourself. Always look round the corner and up the alley as this world is full of cunning people , waiting to harm you.

#unKind

There are lots of time your inner conscience will squeal out and say help thy one on the road , in office or at home. Do it at your risk as you are never getting that help back. Even more, the same person or thing will bite you to dust, the moment you held out that warm hand.

#unJust

Exploit all you meet. Use and throw. This world is for opportunists and people who know what to use when, are the winners. Don’t be a loser and protect justice. Be a winner and crush it.

#unRespect

We are here to make a mark and not a bow.Be a bully, say what you want to say, don’t let others complete. Jump in and snatch your pie. Jump the queue, jump the bar and litter out. #UntheRule and #unRespect

#unLove

This is a make believe word. Till the time you know , this is fantasy, you will be happy. Don’t search for it. Don’t give up for it. There isn’t such thing. If you happen to find it, #uncling.

All the above sound #unfamiliar to me. Telling it to my daughter, seems disastrous. But it doesn’t seem #unreal. 

And yes , then there is the argument,be street smart. Well, this is the killer attitude. Get going and do the #unvalue in the coolest way. 

I only have one question to my fellow parents , peers and all reading this, are you facing this and is it right to reverse the game or simply, #UnValue.

#unSuggest

Perspectives of an almost 5 year old

Mumma ” Bubs, you should celebrate Krishna’s birthday today.”
Lil’ La ” But he is invisible Mumma.”

Mumma, puzzled that she knows he is not human. I haven’t told her as far as I can remember.

Mumma,”Well, he is a cheeky boy and he loves to play hide and seek.”

Lil’ La, ” Then I will use a telescope to find him!”

And isn’t  this intriguing as space and divinity do go together and I haven’t told her any of it.

Is it why they say children are the closest to godliness. Maybe …

Mumma smiles to herself and can only remark ,” Happy Janmashtami, my Lil’ Krishna. ”

On this my Lil’ Krishna adds and says,” I have an idea Mumma, I will make a drawing for Krishna, find him and give him for his birthday.”

It’s a good plan. As always, I leave the execution also to her !

The Product Predator and the Marketing Murderer

Situation One

Marketing Murderer:”What is the product all about?”

Product Predator:”It is like this only.”

Marketing Murderer:”Achaa, so it is like this and that.”

Product Predator:”Actually, it is this and that and a bit more than that.”

Marketing Murderer: ” Okay so top 3 benefits will be – This,That and Much More than That. Great, I think I am getting there.”

Product Predator:” It should be seen everywhere.”

Marketing Murderer: ” This or That or Much More than That ?”

Product Predator:” Good question, let’s make ‘This’ first and ‘That’ second in the main sentence. Both need importance. Much More than That can come as a ball.”

Marketing Murderer:” Achha, you mean blurb. Can do it. Where will you sell this.”

Product Predator:” Actually, we want to try and see if this works, so pretty much everywhere.”

Marketing Murderer: “Oh okay, when are you planning to launch it ?”

Product Predator: ” The product is ready, we have done the testing, I think it is working so this Monday should be good.”

Marketing Murderer:” But that is 2 days away , we won’t be able to pull it off.”

Product Predator:”Arre,nothing much has to be done, there is just one poster, one internal launch event, one standee, one leaflet and yes we need to ready one video for the launch.”

Marketing Murderer: ” That’s easy. I will order online. Maybe call for Express Delivery.”

Product Predator:”And yes, let it be cash on delivery. Don’t spend much. Try to see if express delivery can happen through surface. We should avoid air cargo.”

Marketing Murderer: ” Good idea. Also, how many clients you want to invite for this launch?”

Product Predator:”I think x should be enough. Also, we should try to generate as many leads as possible. We will call our sales people.”

Marketing Murderer: ” Wonderful, let’s do this. Don’t you think we should know a little bit about this new customer,like a dipstick maybe.”

Product Predator:” Agree, we should talk to a few customers we know or someone who looks like that on the floor. Let me ask a few people around here.”

Marketing Murderer:”Oh yes definitely,surely keep us posted. And by the way, do you need a name for the product.”

Product Predator:”Yes, I already thought of – Poor(a) Product.” ( Poora is complete in Hindi)

At this juncture, the Product Predators and Marketing Murderers shake hands amicably and sign off for a much deserved break – the weekend.

Every time I think of her my eyes swell. That’s one of the reasons I was fighting back the desire to write about her and my connection with her.

She touched me in a number of ways. Not just the grand parental love but the difference she made to my thinking, my personality and my inherent traits. She was the strongest human being I know having survived the deaths of two loved ones in a lifetime – her husband and her son.

Funny, generous, welcoming and spirited her heart was with her grandchildren. Eight of us and we were like the light of her eyes. Obviously , she had her favourites ! You could tell the joy in her heart when one of the grand children or children were visiting , photographs across her home would change, favourite food will be cooked, all favourite snacks would be ordered and our chubbiest hug would be given at any point of time.

I would love to snuggle to her but she had a rule. She would wait for you to fall asleep and then gently take her side of the bed. I would always complain and then she would give me a hug. I remember my childhood crying incessantly when she left post our vacations. I would hold on to the pillow she slept on for days imagining I was still snuggled up to her.

I vividly remember our summer vacations at her home.

When I stopped believing in dragons

It was a long time ago when I read all the Russian folk tales , my father used to get. It was a yearning for the next book, and the next book, and the next. There was a small exhibition that used to get organised in my city, diligently every year. And for me it was a delight, piles of books, with their hardcovers, beautifully illustrated competing for my attention.

I was drawn to the lucidity of the stories, the simplicity of the imagination and the strong voices of the protagonists. Or was it my state of mind as a kid which made me believe , everything is possible. The dragons breathing fire, flying through the vastness of the sky and the feeling of getting transported to this world, effortlessly,sans television, sans video games.

To me , the illustration of the dragon, was killer. I still remember their faces , those jaw lines, those fierce eyes which had a kind twinkle and the tail that was resplendent and magnificent. Today, when I go through my daily humdrum , challenges and struggles, reliving those reading moments give me a kick. It still makes me believe in dragons, in lands beyond our realm, in adventures inexplicable and I realise again ,it’s my state of mind.

What is that we lose when we grow up? We lose the innocence to believe in stories, we lose the confidence to read another one next time, we lose the openness to understand imagination and above all we lose the importance of our minds.

It is the greatest place we can rush to when we are feeling ‘not so good about it.’ It is the greatest beach we can relax on when we are in troubled waters. It is the most refreshing drink that we can have when we want to soothe our nerves.

For me, the dragons never left my mind, they are still living in it,telling the stories they first narrated to me through those Russian folklores. In the hectic pace of life, most times it helps to revisit those dragons , fairies and pixies you left behind.

They are not just memories, they are tales of our growing up in a world that ‘could’ and not a world that ‘couldn’t’ .

Ladies,line up in a circle!

Hanging in the corners, humming my tune,
Fancy the things, me always do.
I stand in a line, that starts and ends,
I believe in a circle that just blends.

Building a dream from cakes to cream,
Chatting on music or just about anything that ‘sheens’.
Telling stories,climbing hills or just about anything that gels
I stand in a line, that feels like an end
I believe in a circle that twists and bends

Going back to what I dreamt of doing,
Or just about anything that I felt like creating,
Giving back or taking in.
I stand in a line, that breaks and melts
I believe in a circle that rests and connects.

Photo credit: From the internet